It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
