My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
