No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
