I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
