i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
