No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
