my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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