dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
