Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
