The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
