I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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