come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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