Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
