You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
