Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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