Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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