we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
