My vagina just recognized that song.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
