awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
two words...techno handjob
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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