My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
