I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize