I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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