giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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