Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
