3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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