Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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