I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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