All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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