What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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