I was born with a shot glass in my hand
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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