I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
