She just used a chaser for red wine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
