the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
