Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
