i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
