I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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