The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
