Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
