Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
