I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude my roommate just peed out the window