i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
