Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
