so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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