I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My penis needs a shock collar
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
