i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
