So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
