"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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