I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dear god my vagina.
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