No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
