Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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