That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
