nut hugger
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
