If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
