I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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