Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
