Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
