I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
