She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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