enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
