my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
