that's an acceptable place to lick
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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