Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
