im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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