Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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