porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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