there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
soo... how was my night?
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