I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
